a fear

I have a fear...it is probably one that many people share. I know that I am not alone, but this weekend I was having a discussion with someone about anything in particular, some may call it just talking, others may call it gossip, but whatever it may be, the question was raised "what is your biggest fear about growing old?" I stopped, stunned, that was something I have pondered many times, and I have never really come up with an answer, since that conversation, I have thought of it non-stop. I know the #1 answer is losing my husband, he is my rock, he is always there, he helps me through every situation, whether good or bad. I can always count on him, he is my one constant! When I can trust no-one else in this world, I can still turn to him and he is always waiting with open arms. My #2 fear, is my daughter growing up and leaving, I never want to fight with her the way I did with my parents, time it too precious and shouldn't be wasted on such pettiness. All those arguments about where I was going and who I was dating and so on, well, it wasn't worth it because those people aren't even in my life anymore, what a waste of time and energy! I want her to grow up, meet a wonderful man who will take the very best care of her, but on the other hand my heart will break when she goes, but I know I will be proud of her!
#3 is lying in a bed dying of cancer, my aunt just passed away from pancreatic cancer, that is a horriffic disease. When she had bad days she was in so much agony, I wish she never had went through that and I selfishly pray I never will. I think the one fear over all these fears is alzheimers, to not know your own family, how heartbreaking, how devastating and sad! I guess the jist of this blog is I still don't know my greatest fear of growing old. I guess I have many. Ultimately I would love to watch my daughter grow up with a happy healthy life and watch my wonderful grandchildren, then one night when time has got the best of me, just go to sleep and wake up on the other side, just that peaceful. Who knows what the future has in store, in the meantime I am trying to think of each moment and remind myself that I can never get this moment back, so what is the best way to spend it??