decisions...

sorry about that last blog if it seemed i was complaining, well, i was, but i was also just venting, afterall, isn't that what these blogs are for? Anyways, I have a new frustration, well this is more of a "scared to death" thing, but hubby started physical therapy and his back is worse than it has EVER been, he now has pains down in his lower back as well as down both legs clear down to his feet. His doctor said to stop therapy immediately and have the MRI re-done, and then schedule...yes the dreaded word...surgery! I am scared but I can't admit that to him. The doctor also said the way they do the surgery is through the abdoman and said there is a risk that we will not be able to have more children. I am really scared. Due to previous medical reasons he was told he was at high risk not being able to have kids before Lexie was born, and it did take a long time to get pregnant with her, but this will make strike 2. I wonder are we being sent a message? I wasn't sure if I was done having kids or not, if we did have another one it would be only 1 more. It was suggested that if we want another one to try and get pregnant before the surgery, but I am not ready for that, even though Lexie is already 9 months old, I still feel like I was just pregnant, and I wanted a few years between my kids. I was thinking 3 years was a good amount. Besides, what if it took a long time again, then what, is he just supposed to wait and stay in pain just so we can have another child? I DON'T THINK SO!! I have been thinking and praying and talking to hubby and we have decided to leave it in God's hands, afterall he does know best! If we are meant to have another one we will, if not, we may adopt. There are so many kids out there that need good homes, we were planning to do that if we couldn't get pregnat with Lexie. There are just so many hard times and hard decisions coming up I'm afraid. We must just keep our heads held high, even though sometimes I feel like there is nothing else to do but break down. I have to be strong for him, I Love him so much and I don't want him to think anything else and I don't want him to get discouraged! I know he would do the same for me!