Why do we wait all of our lives to grow up and we finally get there and it turns out to be nothing like we dreamed of??
It is so full of hurts, disappointments, stress, huge decisions, but there are some happy times too, kids, freedom, finding yourself and getting to be who you REALLY are, not who everybody thinks you have to be.
I guess sometimes I wish I could go back to being a kid, I would do things alot differently. First of all there are some decisions from my high school years I would never have made, there are also some I didn't make that I would now. I would have enjoyed my whole life so much more and realized that just because someone was mad at me or I was mad at them it wasn't the end of the world. That wasn't the worst tragedy ever! All those things that were so devastating to me as a kid and a teen, weren't so bad. My life has been good if I truely sit back and think about it, even in the tough times, God has always come through with something good in the end. I am trying to believe he will one more time, but I am struggling!
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Hey,
Thanks so much for the comment you left on my blog. It really helped! You are such a kind, thoughtful person and so generous with your sympathy. I am grateful. I've had a few days to calm down after that appointment with the pediatrician, and things are better now. We figured out she'll drink formula if it's mixed half-and-half with breast milk, and we're giving her lots of finger food since she won't take anything off a spoon any more. (too bad I have a whole cupboardful of baby food! I'll have to give it away to a mom with a more tractable baby.) She also has started making more "babbling" noises, which reassures me that she's not too delayed on that front. And I realized that a baby as active and alert and (generally) happy as she is can't be doing too badly. She's full of giggles and loves to play. So I'm feeling more relaxed about the whole weight issue. I feel better about the epidural too, especially after talking with my friend about her experience (which was rough - she was screaming in pain for hours and was too exhausted afterward to even hold her baby). I realized that even if I didn't live up to the arbitrary standard of strength that I picked out for myself, I did get to deliver my baby in relative calm, and felt euphoric afterwards and held and nursed the baby immediately - and I wouldn't have wanted to exchange that for the "honor" of going without pain relief. I do have a bee in my bonnet about going natural, but hopefully I'll be able to let that go - it's irrational I know.
So thanks again for your warmth and kindness. I hope that things are going well in your life. Your last entry sounds a little anxious - what are you wishing you could change? All the crazy decisions you might have made as a kid and as a teen did lead you to the point you are in your life now - with your husband and beautiful daughter - so they couldn't have been that bad. I hope that if you're facing something particularly hard right now, it will turn out to be better and easier than you think. I'm rooting for you. :)
Take care,
Erin
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